The Last Few Weeks

Here we are, 36 weeks and counting. I’m getting to the uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. I’m always tired, no matter how much sleep I get. I’m an emotional basket-case. I’m aching in my hips and in between, thank you relaxin hormone. I have Pelvic Girdle Pain when I sit too long and Posterior Pelvic Pain (literally, a pain in the ass) when I stand up too long. I suspect I am developing diastasis recti. I can’t cook an entire meal without having to sit down for a few minutes in the middle. Doing our weekly grocery shop just wears me out. And I constantly have to pee.

Here we are at 36 weeks and counting and I wonder if I’ve enjoyed this pregnancy enough. I’m fairly certain this is my last baby and I really do love being pregnant, but did I really get the chance to enjoy this one? Having an energetic toddler around made it difficult to find  quiet time to bond with the baby in the very beginning. Then we moved when I was 19 weeks, and all of that famous 2nd trimester energy went into packing and unpacking. I didn’t even really feel pregnant until I saw the ultrasound.

Here we are at 36 weeks and counting and I wonder if I’ve given my big kid enough only-child attention. Our world is about to get rocked. We’ve settled into a routine here just in time for everything to go sideways. (We’re actually changing our routine soon to include a PDO program, so let’s get a little sideways a little early.) There’s a blog post I’ve seen titled, “Did I Love You Enough Today?” And I wonder, have I loved him enough these three years? Does he know that he made me a mother and he will always have that special honor? Even on the days when I can’t pick him up, and the days when my emotions are too much and I just sit and cry, and the days when I don’t have the  patience to say “put your pants on” a hundred times in a row.

Here we are at 36 weeks and I feel like we’re just waiting. I’ve started declining outings that are too close to my due date. I don’t want to travel too far or for to long. The diapers, clothes and bed are here. I have bottles, and burp cloths. I have our bag pretty much packed for the birth center. We’ve got everything we truly need for a new baby. So there’s only waiting left to do.

Here we are at 36 weeks and I am both terrified and excited about having a new baby. Jellybean’s birth was not so long ago that I don’t remember what it was like. He was born at home after just 7 hours of labor, so I am not afraid about laboring or giving birth. The first few weeks, though, they were so, so hard. In my memory they’re just a blur of sitting in the office chair, listening to jazz music feeding and holding a newborn. It got better after we figured out some issues, but I’m still haunted by just how hard it was.

It’s almost time for Lollypop to make the appearance of a lifetime. We’re going to be a family of four. We now talk about “the kids” instead of just Jellybean. (As in, “Can we pay off the mortgage before the kids graduate high school?”) We set things up in our new house knowing that we’d have a little one in it soon. Jellybean will be a really great big brother. Lollypop has all the necessities – clothes and diapers to wear, a bed to sleep in and food to eat. We’re prepared, even if I’m not quite ready yet. 🙂

2 Comments

Filed under Family, Not Knitting

2 Responses to The Last Few Weeks

  1. This post made me both smile and cry a little. I think you have shown Jellybean exactly how much you love him. I truly believe he will always know how special he is. He made you a Mommy just like you did me. Parenting is not easy as you have learned. But it’s the hardest, yet best job ever. I am so very thankful you and your brother have gifted me with these amazing little creatures. You are as ready as you can be. Just love and it will be fine. I love you!

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